The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
