she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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