I looked at my own cervix.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
