I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
