I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
