i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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