I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
