I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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