keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
