Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
