Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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