He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
