Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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