that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
