im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize