He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
