I hate your face
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
