This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
