So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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