if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
