It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
