Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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