the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
