I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
