So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
