Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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