Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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