You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
