the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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