I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
