Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
