You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
