I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
