i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk is not a location!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
