So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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