i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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