sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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