Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
