i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
