Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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