I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Even my vagina gasped.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
