I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
