he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
