At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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