he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
