I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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