thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
