just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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