I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
