Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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