why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
