hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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